Okay, let me just admit I had a great laugh at The King’s expense last week. Having feasted on his favorite meal, with fresh jalapenos and margaritas he was preparing to retire. For the King, this includes removing his daily wear contacts. He returned from removing his contacts declaring he had a Public Service Announcement for all contact lens wearers. Since he tends to be a bit on the sarcastic side, I waited for the punch line. There was none. His advice “if you have jalapenos for supper and tasted a few directly from your fingers, do not, he repeats, do not ever remove your contacts after your meal.” He adds that washing your hands prior to removal, which is his habit, will not help in the least.
Being the Guru of All Things Spicy and having intimate knowledge of food preparation, I exclaim boastfully that, of course, you should not touch any orifice after handling hot peppers. Even though his eyes resembled something from a great horror movie, he gave me an Oscar worthy eye roll. Ever self-righteous, I added that if he were genetically blessed, like me, he could wear overnight lenses. Then he would be able to handle all the peppers his stomach desired and never need to consider optical aid removal. This of course warranted unnecessary sign language from The King for my inspirational words of comfort for his plight.
On any given month I can wear my contacts without so much as a drop of rewetting solution. Nor do I normally feel the need to rinse my contacts (I hope that my opthamalogist never reads that sentence.) Remember me, aforementioned Queen of the ocular blessing? Reality slap is coming.
This week while mowing the lawn, some insect of The Ponderosa had the audacity to land on my contact. Rushing to the bathroom I grabbed the bottle of contact rinse solution and flushed the eye under attack. Did I notice I grabbed the bottle with the clearly marked RED CAP? Oh no, I will add here that Karma is a great equalizer. My right eye was no longer concerned with the offending particle, it was consumed by the feeling of battery acid burning out my cornea. In my haste, I had picked up The King’s contact solution, which clearly is not a lens rinse. It is disinfectant used to soak his contacts nightly.
Now, I might have escaped HRH’s jokes at my expense had my eye lid not swelled to the size of an egg and my sinus passages not tried to escape my body. His parting remarks, purely for his enjoyment…he who laughs last laughs the loudest.
