A bit of a plumbing issue here On The Ponderosa. The toilet in the master bath runs constantly after flushing, it will stop if you repeatedly jiggle the handle a gazillion times (the only scientific repair in my arsenal). The King is not disturbed by the nightly noise echoing from our bathroom, in fact, as I mentioned before, his sleep is rarely disturbed. Since insanity or maiming of plumbing fixtures is just around the bend I decided to approach The King for his expertise in home repair. Before I go on, let me say The King personally built our home with his own two hands and those of family and friends bribed with grilled red meat and alcohol. It is a beautiful home. I treasure it. I am in awe of his dedication to our family to provide this shelter.
Okay, had to mention that as not to appear an ungrateful spouse. Back to the incessant noise in my master bath. For background information I will note that The King never enters this bathroom, it is a long story involving the collection of health and beauty aids required to support the females On The Ponderosa. When I presented my concern to The King, he offered some insight that you may not have considered if you suffer this plight in your own home.
THE POTTY TALK:
Queen: The toilet in the master bath is running constantly.
King: Go catch it then.
Queen: You are so funny that I have decided to let you live.
King: Did you jiggle the handle?
Queen: Your life expectancy is decreasing by the minute.
King: (innocent look)
Queen: Yes I jiggled but it needs your expert attention.
King: I will check it.
Three weeks later……
Queen: The toilet is still running.
King: Oh yeah, I checked it and there is nothing wrong with it.
Queen: But it is running constantly and keeping me awake.
King: Don’t flush it before you go to sleep.
Queen: Do you want to eat actual cooked food again?
King: No really, I know what the problem is.
Queen: Want to share?
King: Yes, you are flushing it TOO HARD.
Queen: (no response but seething glare)
The King goes in to lengthy dialogue of appropriate amount of pressure required on handle to effectively flush toilet and not tangle the chain connected to the flapper. He then proceeds to demonstrate on the toilet in his bathroom to educate me on the correct method.
Then I shot him right there next to the tub and his non-running toilet.
Fortunately for The King our firearms are kept in a closet far from his bathroom. While I expressed my thanks for his in-depth physics experiment and I reminded him this was not my first rodeo with flushing. In fact, I have had an license to operate a toilet for 39 years. Clearly outlined in our marriage vows and contract was his personal responsibility for plumbing concerns. That’s the problem with those marriage contracts that disappearing ink, enforcing the terms can be difficult. Sometimes tough negotiation is required. I will lay odds that when he repeatedly cannot locate toilet tissue in his bathroom that my toilet will receive miraculous repair.
That my friends is marital relations in the bathroom here On The Ponderosa.
[...] presents MARITAL RELATIONS IN THE BATHROOM posted at On The [...]
[...] presents Marital Relations in the bathroom posted at On The [...]
OMGoodness! We had this SAME conversation this morning! It’s eerie!
Our toilet in the master bath runs too, but ONLY after *I* flush it. So dh told me this very morning that I’m flushing it wrong! HA! I told him I’ve been flushing toilets for 39 years and I didn’t think that was the problem!
Unfortunately, he’s not handy with plumbing, so if it keeps up either I have to tackle the problem or we need professional help (heck, maybe we need both)
Thanks for the huge laugh this morning!
Found you through CoFL!
Withholding toilet paper from a man? That’s a game of chicken I don’t think I’d want to venture into.
Hahaha. Thank for this.
[...] Marital Relations in the Bathroom posted by Anna. I’ll admit, I clicked on it assuming it was just as the title suggested, but it was so much more. And eerily similar to the conversation Mike and I had that same day. It’s almost as if I had written it (minus the whole “hubby building the house with his own hands” thing). [...]
[...] presents Marital Relations in the bathroom posted at On The Ponderosa. Anna makes me [...]
I think Homeland Security needs to look into this. It’s gone way beyond random. Ours has been doing this for over a month. My solution was to leave off the top of the tank so I can grab the chain with a piece of wire with a loop on the end.. It worked really well until I leaned back and absentmindedly set my coffeecup down while at a tricky part in a crossword puzzle. So I set a small table across from the toilet and it works really well. I’m thinking of bringing in a reading lamp and a small fridge. Maybe a microwave. Heck, we could rent out the rest of the house and never miss it. Wicked funny post, Anna.
Shine On,
Lill
The over/under on how long a roll of toilet paper used by a single male working outside the home will last is just under a year… and that’s a regular roll, not one of those fancy double rolls.
You may need to find an alternative means of applying leverage in order to get what you want.
[...] for rabies shots after they bite you.” This responsibility is clearly outlined in that marital responsibilities contract I still cannot [...]