Conversation this week On The Ponderosa:
ME: Lulu, did the Princess tell you we are going on vacation next month?
LULU: No, she doesn’t tell me anything. Where are you going?
This is a blatant exaggeration born of teenage angst. When not physically attached at the hip these two BFF talk no fewer than 10 hours per week, not including text and instant messaging.
ME: We are going Niagara Falls.
LULU: Cool, never been there, I never get to go anywhere.
Please note that Lulu, just last month, returned from a week long vacation at the beach with The Princess. This was her attempt to procure an invitation to the family vacation. As much as I love Lulu, my idea of vacation, rest and relaxtion does not include 22 road trip hours with two teenage girls. Primarily because drinking and driving is illegal.
ME: Since Niagara Falls is in another country and The Princess does not have a passport, we will drop her off at the US border each day and pick her up every night after our adventures are over.
Because, well, I just like to mess with my daughter and when her BFF is around, messing with both their heads is twice as much fun.
LULU: When did going to Florida require a passport?
ME: What? Passports are not required to go to Florida.
LULU: I didn’t think so. I knew Florida was in the southern US.
ME: Yes, Florida is south from here, but.
As you can see, I was interuppted mid-sentence. This is SOP should you dare to converse with a teenage girl.
LULU: Well then, she shouldn’t need a passport to go there.
ME: Um, Lulu you lost me at Florida.
I was not quick enough on the response draw because The Princess broke one of her 2 connections to the outside world (internet/cell phone) to explain her BFF’s error in vacation spot placement on the world map.
THE PRINCESS: What? Lulu, have you been sniffing the Sharpie too long? Everybody knows that Niagara Falls is not in the South, it is in the northern hemisphere of North America.
LULU: Well, exactly where is it then if you know so much?
At this point The King & I were observing the scene with parental admiration, since The Princess was about to give Lulu a much needed geography lesson. Scoff if you will, but when you are a parent your chest will swell with pride when your child is about to display their educational prowess.
Make that your head, because pride does go before the fall…
THE PRINCESS: Lulu, really. It is in Mexico, dummy.
This America, are your public education tax dollars at work. The BFF Tag Team are honors students enrolled in the AP and college bound pathways at our local high school.
The Princess would like it noted for the record that all of the family talking at the same time confused her and she was clearly talking about our last vacation which included a cruise to Mexico. Lulu would like it noted for the record that at no time did she inhale fumes from her writing instrument.
I would like it noted for the record that, The Princess, is the only member of our family that has ever been to Niagara Falls. Two years ago. In fact, she did cross the Canadian border. Two years ago. To tour Niagara Falls. I’m just saying.
Perhaps Niagara Falls has been moved to South America by the United Nations. Although I do not recall any international summits addressing the issue. I could be wrong. Depends on who you ask. Because as stated before, I am intellectually challenged, tragically unhip and basically dumber than a rock.