Recently, The Princess and a friend (let’s call her Lulu) were dressing for the party of the year, Lulu asked me to hand her something from her purse. It was at that moment I realized the true meaning of TMI. Hiding right there in plain sight was a condom, innocently paperclipped to a bright red buisness card from the local health department declaring “CONFIDENTIAL CARE FOR SEXUALLY ACTIVE TEENS”. At that moment, I was struck speechless for one of the few times in my life.
A reality slap is what I received when peering in to Lulu’s purse and thanks to God is what I said, for it was not The Princess’s purse. Processing the information was sending my brain in to a maternal meltdown, as I think of this young girl as another daughter. The Princess and I have an extremely open relationship where we talk openly about sex, relationships, feelings, responsibility and all of the pressures facing a teen girl in the world today. The Princess had shared with me that Lulu had two separate pregnancy scares in the past year. In both incidents Lulu’s parents were the last to know.
As a parent, my heart goes out to teenagers presented with the weighty issues of sex, contraception and teen pregnancy. Eager for independence, most of these young adults lack the support systems to deal with the social, health and personal implications of becoming sexually active and the accompanying responsibility. In a perfect world, teenage girls would not become mothers before their time, either through abstinence or contraceptive use, making obsolete decisions about adoption, marriage or abortion. Sadly, there are many teens that upon taking the risk to address these issues with parents will encounter judgment, rejection, condemnation and lectures.
Since the aforementioned perfect world does not exist, what are these teens to do? For many, their support system becomes the state. Each state has individual laws governing minors’ access to contraceptive services and abortion. Teenagers lacking support systems or parents who will openly discuss these issues are left to services provided by the government. Providing they reside in states permitting access to contraceptive services without parental notification or approval.
Do I want children to depend on our government for guidance on these issues? No. Am I glad governmental care is available when children lack a support system? Yes. Do I want to see an end to abortion? Yes. Am I willing to advocate for laws to restrict access to contraception or abortion for minors? No. My faith informs me that pre-marital sex is a sin and all life is equally precious. But with great heaviness of heart, I’ve come to agree that it’s destructive and ineffective to block access to these services legislatively.
Presented with this situation, I pray The King and I would respond with unconditional love, guidance, reassurance and support for whatever The Princess would need. If my daughter was taking contraceptives, I would want to know. If my daughter was pregnant, I would want to know. Perhaps I would want her to keep the child or choose adoption, though those would not be my decisions to make. Greater than my desire to know would be my prayer that she was safe and receiving competent medical advice, including counseling on all options.
Some may say I am Pro-Choice, others may say I Pro-Life. What I know to be true is I am Pro-Princess, for she is my child.
A note for Lulu: I am proud to know you. You chose responsibility. You Go Girl!